Bored in Little China

I have not been up to much. It is because, the roller coaster of daily life, has overwhelmed me. Separation has left me lonely. I do not think me and the ex had any love left in the last day. But, there was a camaraderie there. I do must his being around. I do not miss his snoring in the bed, numerous hobbies, and watching him eat things, that are bad for him.

His adoration for food, that was bad for him, was starting to mirror, my father’s. My father at least, knows that he is eating himself to death. I doubt, the ex has thought very hard about, it. For awhile, he was blaming me. The thing that got me that his White and Chinese coworkers were sending me emails and pulling me aside and giving me lectures to quit making tasty food, and killing my spouse. Excuse me, I wear, a size four. I do not drink sugary drinks. I eat brown rice, five veggies a day, and I walk or take public transportation most places. I do cook delicious food for holidays, and maybe as a treat. But, that man eats on the sly and does not work out. I have no jurisdiction, over that. I do not have that kind of pull.

I find it a bit funny, I kind of miss him. I am not ready to jump in to another relationship. I do miss men. And, I understand although, I am separated, I am not divorced quite, yet. I am not out working rooms in hot pants and flirting in the streets. I went out dancing with girlfriends  a couple of times and found it a bit daunting. Hong Kong is not really my market. As, my ex would gleefully tell, anyone. Because, he is a hater.

I wonder if it is my appearance? I am not homely. I have not, figured it out. It could be my posture. I could fret, about it.  Every blemish is up for in-depth analysis, every mark on me, is assessed. I know the geography of my form so well. I am horrified  that it has the nerve to change, daily. I have not aged much if at all, in the past seven years. My birthday swiftly approaches. I long to go out on a, date. Again, I must point out I’m not really, aggressively, seeking. But, I have been kind of texting a guy. And, drunk dialing a guy in Texas. Cautiously, tweeting a guy in New Orléans. Halfheartedly investigating, a trip to Bali. My own waffling, is maddening.

I will just stick to job seeking. Sorting out my convoluted immigration status. I am sure, that will help the days fly by. My birthday will pass, as a blur.  Then, I can work fiendishly till Christmas, and see what happens, then.

 

 

After partcipating in