When do I, get to be”The Girl”?

So, my soon to be ex spouse ‘s complaint was “You never were sexy for me.”

I find that statement a bit, bullshit. Our first date I wore a tight shirt, no bra, tight jeans, pink stilettos.  My hair was mussed but, cute. I took him out for Mexican food. I drank ice-cold, almost frozen Corona, straight from the bottle. (Which is umm, hello! Very sexy.)

I had been hatching plans to have my way, with, him.  I had no sex, in six months, at that time. I was saving myself for only people who wanted a relationship.

I was kind of sick of being texted at 2 AM during the weekend with the phrase “Whachudoin’?”

In  Houston, Texas, that code meant .

“Come to my house, mess up,  your hair. Then leave my house soundlessly.”

Which was nice for a time.  But, you now it makes you feel, a bit cheap. When, people ask you if you have a boyfriend?You say

“Well there is, So n so.”

Your homegirls lean in for you to give more details about So n so .

You give them the most succinct recitation of So n so’s basic details.

You barely know, Sonso.  Except, for some basic stuff, about him. You can possibly answer the same questions about, any man.  You have seen him in the daylight. Only, a handful of times.  Sonso is very cheap, he does not want to see you in the day.  Or, even on a date, he can use you, for free. Most likely, you have gone dancing with your girls, at Ladies’ Night. He texted you “Whachudoin?” And, you’re off to his bed.

You go over high, on booty music and Bellinis.  You fall into bed with him because, it is easy.  Then,  you realise, So n so, is an ass.

My ex, compared to the ham handed, sex fiends, in town. Seemed boyish, innocent, awkward and kind. I liked that. I didn’t know he was not attracted to me. I still have not figured out what I was, to him. I suspect  a cross between a fashion doll,  maid, and mother figure.

(Poor sod.)

But who wants to be the maid/mother figure/bitch type person. I hate bitching men out. I hate shopping for them. I do not understand why all of sudden you get married and you have to dress a man with socks with out holes in them. Can’t you buy your own damn socks? And, shirts with buttons? If the button pops off they do not do shit about. Who the fuck was your mother ?  Who sews buttons on your clothes?  You have hands, and can thread a needle.  So, got to work, home boy. Buying underwear for men. I do not have time, for such bullshit.  Just buy  your own clothes. Why do I  have involved? I buy my own fucking clothes. So, learn to do so yourself.

I think the last thing, that got me upset  about me and this man. He has decided that I have caused him to watch gay porn with men in it.  That  is my influence that he gets off to gay porn to make me unhappy . He has random sex with gay men to make me unhappy. No, that means you are gay.

So, what I am asking is.  When do I, get to be the girl, in the summer dress, who gets flowers, she likes them? When do I get to be the girl, who goes to concerts,  she likes them? When do I get my hair,  sweated out from dancing too much with a man? When, does a man take me on a picnic? When do I feel like a man, is trying to have fun with me.  To have fun?

When do I, get to be the Girl?

I felt like “The girl”.  You know, those charming creatures, that people actually take to meet their families. They hold hands with men. Men, know their favorite colors.  Men, care about their birthdays. Men, do not go to their parties, waiting. For that moment, when the slow song comes on. You know, when they decide to show off how “Hot” they are for, you. Some women call it, flattering. I ,at the time, was bored with it. I wanted someone to dance me with, for real.  Not, some prelude for sexual relations. Although, I like that, too.

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